Every Halloween, weird stuff happens, but maybe not like this.
Meet Jeff Banks – he’s the Special Teams coach at the University of Texas. (No, we’re not bothering with a picture – he’s not all that interesting.) Better still, meet his girlfriend, wife, or whatever she is – we’re not sure. We do know her stage name: Pole Assassin. We’re also not going to bother with a picture of P/A, not when we can show you her appearance on Jerry Springer. (And, yeah, it’s arguably NSFW.)
Okay, here’s a quick, again kinda NSFW clip of Pole Assassin with Gia, her emotional support monkey, who’s part of her act!
The Pole Assassin and her monkey are masters of their craft. What a gift 🐒👏pic.twitter.com/V9m8kC11tN— Grayson Weir (@GsonJW) November 2, 2021
And now, via the Twitters, here’s the alleged story. (And, boy howdy, except for the part about “seriously hurt” – and there’s serious doubt about that – do we hope this is all true.)
I'm hearing a repot from a credible source that Texas Longhorns Special Teams Coach Jeff Banks' monkey allegedly attacked and seriously hurt a young Trick-or-Treater last night on Halloween.— Tom Campbell (@thomasgcampbell) November 1, 2021
The monkey's jaws apparently had to be pried off the small child.
Did it really happen? Well, P/A posted this to her since-deleted Twitter account a little later.
And then there’s the video that she allegedly posted and deleted.
Did it all really happen? Is it all just a made-up interwebs hoax?
Either way, when you combine a football coach, a stripper, and an emotional support monkey, you have to expect some wacky hijinks…right?
Speaking of wacky hijinks, here are a bunch of, uh, interesting Halloween pictures, starting with a bunch of Heidi Klum pictures because she likes to get extra freaky on All Hallows’ Eve.
By the way, did you know that monkeys love hockey?