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Every Halloween, weird stuff happens, but maybe not like this.

Meet Jeff Banks – he’s the Special Teams coach at the University of Texas. (No, we’re not bothering with a picture – he’s not all that interesting.) Better still, meet his girlfriend, wife, or whatever she is – we’re not sure. We do know her stage name: Pole Assassin. We’re also not going to bother with a picture of P/A, not when we can show you her appearance on Jerry Springer.  (And, yeah, it’s arguably NSFW.)

Okay, here’s a quick, again kinda NSFW clip of Pole Assassin with Gia, her emotional support monkey, who’s part of her act!

And now, via the Twitters, here’s the alleged story. (And, boy howdy, except for the part about “seriously hurt” – and there’s serious doubt about that – do we hope this is all true.)

Did it really happen? Well, P/A posted this to her since-deleted Twitter account a little later.

And then there’s the video that she allegedly posted and deleted.

Did it all really happen? Is it all just a made-up interwebs hoax?

Either way, when you combine a football coach, a stripper, and an emotional support monkey, you have to expect some wacky hijinks…right?

Speaking of wacky hijinks, here are a bunch of, uh, interesting Halloween pictures, starting with a bunch of Heidi Klum pictures because she likes to get extra freaky on All Hallows’ Eve.

By the way, did you know that monkeys love hockey?